Dear All,
I stayed away from the blog for a little longer than expected. The reason behind this was, I was actively engaged in weaning my baby. My baby nursed for 27 months in total, which can be said as the most beautiful time period of bonding between the baby and me. Now that she has weaned, I miss all of those beautiful moments between us, the moments that were only for us. Nursing my baby for the last time, was one of the moments I was always dreading because I knew I will miss all this.
So, this post is just dedicated to my baby, because she is a big baby now, who has weaned herself off the breast. I wanted to express my feelings about how this transition is affecting me. Here goes,
My Baby,
I nursed you for the last time today, although I was working on your weaning for around 6 months, I have always dreaded the time when that moment would actually arrive. There were times during our weaning when I let you nurse for longer or offered to nurse myself because I wanted to feel you nursing on me.
Now that all of this is over, I am speechless, and my heart hurts.
I know baby, this is hard for you, but it is even harder for me. I tried my best to give you the best possible of everything and breastfeeding you was undoubtedly the best thing that I did for you.
I can not express how you feel, but by weaning you, I am letting go more than I thought.
We have a number of quiet moments, where you used to suckle on me and we both looked into each other’s eyes and you used to chuckle during those sessions.
I am letting go of the times when you used to ask for nursing and would come to me saying ‘mimi mimi’ out loud.
I am finding it difficult to let go of the times when you used to ask for nursing and I will leave everything that I was doing to cater to your needs.
It’s very difficult for me to let all of this go, but I am satisfied.
I am satisfied because I know you know my love for you, the sound of my heart, and most of all, you know that mommy will always be there for you, no matter what.
While you latched on me, I was able to comfort you from every discomfort, now all of that is gone.
Although I feel really sad these days because our beautiful journey has ended, I know it’s the time to celebrate because you have grown so much. You have grown so much that you do not need mommy for filling your stomach and for making you sleep.
During this journey, we have been through a lot, first of all, the incorrect latch, then the breast lump, then the nursing strike, then the breast abscess, then its surgery, and then a beautiful long journey of more than 2 years.
Baby,
I want to tell you, that I am so proud of you, and I am proud of myself too for making it possible.
I cannot take you away from the world to nurse you anymore, but I am always there for all the cuddles and snuggles. I won’t be comforting you through nursing when you are hurt, but I will hold you and kiss you, and cuddle you till you feel better.
I fear because time is passing so fast, but then I cherish every moment spent with you. You have taught me so much, and you be my little bundle of joy, a way of comfort, and the reason to live.
Love you,
Mommy
